I want to thank each and everyone of you who have prayed for me and my family as we faced so many challenges and rugged times over these months and years. God used your cards, prayers and words of encouragement to give support and motivate me on days when the effort of living became overwhelming.
Thank you also for your patience while I was unable to post to this site. Plus again, while waiting for me to wade through my tumultuous thoughts and memories to produce a bit of the "backstory". I appreciate the calls and emails I receive; those from family, old friends and those of you who are God-family created from this time, this season in my life. It remains challenging at times to keep track and keep up with everyone and I hope that I have responded to each one of you.
Answers. The rational mind seeks to find logical answers to events in life, but it is not always possible. There is no "rhyme or reason" to explain what happened to me. It remains true to the official label it was given. "A random attack against law enforcement".
My wife, Toni, says "There is no way to make the illogical logical."
That pretty well sums it up for it seems that the "Why's" may never be answered.
The effects on my life and the outcomes have been dramatically life changing. Negatives remain, deficits remain- and some days I struggle to focus on the positives. But, I try to remind myself of the things that I have regained. Toni helps me try to remember the blessings I have been given rather than dwelling on the damage that this has done. It isn't always easy.
The greatest thing I have gained is a keen awareness God. I always believed, but now I know.
I have a great appreciation for life and the value of really living- but the instant I am called to Heaven there will be no hesitation to go back. I actually long for the beauty and the relief.
I came to understand that God has promised more for me here in this life, and I have learned to hold tightly to my faith and seek His will for my future.
Romans 8:28 is often quoted, but as I face these long term challenges,
I find more comfort in the longer passage. So I will leave you with this...
"For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope:
for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?
But if we hope for what we see not,
then do we with patience wait for it.
Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities:
for we know now what we should pray for as we ought:
but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us
with groanings that cannot be uttered.
And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is in the mind of the Spirit,
because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
to them that are called according to his purpose."
Romans 8: 24-28